Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear.  The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world:

Tower: Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles.

Delta 351: Give us another hint.  We have digital watches.

Tower: TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.

TWA 2341: Center, we are at 35,000 feet.  How much noise can we make up here?

Tower: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.  While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

The student replied honestly: "When I was number one for take-off."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.  San Jose Tower told the pilot: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.  If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101, make a right at the light, and return to the airport."

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long take-off queue: I'm f-ing bored!

Ground Traffic Control: Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!

Unknown aircraft: I said I'm f-ing bored, not f-ing stupid!

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.

United 329: Approach... I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight!